


this is how it feels to take a fall

by bearpantaloons



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, but mostly trying to avoid talking about it, sleepflying into Lena's heart, some discussions on mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearpantaloons/pseuds/bearpantaloons
Summary: Kara has been sleepflying to Lena's penthouse for quite some time and sleeping next to her is the only way for her to avoid having nightmares and trashing her apartment. Kara has some deep-seeded issues that she needs to work out and Lena does her best to ignore her feelings for her best friend.Basically, an entire fic about bed sharing gay disasters.





	this is how it feels to take a fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hi folks, this was a prompt given to me by someone on tumblr. Hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr [@bearpantaloons](https://bearpantaloons.tumblr.com/).

Lena can’t remember when exactly it started, but practically every night, she wakes up at around the same time to the sound of her penthouse’s balcony door being opened and feels the other side of her bed sink. Strong arms wrap about her torso and warm breath tickles the tiny hairs on the back of her neck. Supergirl has been spending nights with her, for whatever reason, but it appears that she sleepflies there, with no recollection of it in the morning, which makes for very awkward situations. The first night, Supergirl practically blew a hole through the penthouse roof when she woke up and saw that she was in Lena’s bed, but now, it’s almost become routine.

Between having to fight her own cousin, being affected by Red Kryptonite, holding Astra while she died, sending Mon-El away to his potential death, losing Livewire, and almost being killed by Reign, Kara’s trauma had to continuously be put on the backburner. Supergirl didn’t have time for therapy sessions and neither did Kara Danvers. There was always another fight to be fought, another bad guy to save National City from, another story to write.

Alex begged her to talk to someone, other than herself or the holographic projection of her mother. There was only so much a human sister, and someone she couldn’t even touch, could do for her. They’d tried empaths, sleep aids, alien alcohol, and nothing worked. She continued to sleepfly to Lena’s, and on nights she didn’t, she would wake up from a nightmare and throw a lamp through a wall or blast a hole through her bed.

Lena and Kara never spoke about it. Kara would always be gone in the morning. Sometimes she’d leave a hot pot of coffee running, or have danishes sitting on the counter for Lena when she woke up. The one time Lena tried bringing it up, Kara shut down and flew off without a word. That night, she asks Alex to bring some of the red sun lamp prototypes, so she wouldn’t be able to fly out of the balcony. She quickly figured out that if she didn’t sleep next to Lena, she’d have a nightmare and would have to buy a new lamp or mattress the next day. The guilt Lena felt after being told about it made sure she never brought it up again. She just accepted Kara’s embrace and the pastries on the counter.

On one particular night, Kara came in early. She’d been dirtied and bruised, which would all disappear once the sun rose, but for now, she was tired and sore. She should have gone home, but she flew to Lena’s instead. She quietly opened the balcony door and slid into Lena’s bed, pulling her close and letting the scent of her shampoo calm her.

“Kara?” Lena whispers.

“Sorry for waking you. I figured I’d end up here, anyway, so I came by early.”

Lena turns to face Kara and gasps, seeing all of the dirt on her face, wiping some off with her fingers. “What happened?”

“Had a run-in with a Kalanorian. You should see the other guy, though,” she tries to joke, but it apparently falls flat when Lena just stares at her with concern in her eyes.

“Kara—“

“Lena, please don’t. Not tonight,” Kara pleads. She is in no mood to get reprimanded or chided for not being more careful or letting the DEO help. Lena sighs and nods, not wanting to chase Kara away. She hugs the Kryptonian close and feels Kara wrap her arms around her back. She feels Kara shake, stifling sobs, but doesn’t say anything, just holds her tighter.

In the morning, Kara’s side of the bed is empty again.

_Kara's side._

On the kitchen counter sits a warm coffee and a bear claw, along with a post-it note. Lena picks it up and reads what it says.

 _I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have come over._   _I didn't mean to worry you._ _-K_

Kara wouldn't talk about things. She would avoid talking about Krypton, her parents, wouldn't discuss anything regarding Mon-El or Jeremiah. Any time something serious was brought up, she would brush it off with a joke.

So, Lena continues letting Kara fly into her home and into her bed, and they continue not talking about it, until one night, Kara doesn’t come. Lena wakes up in the middle of the night, expecting to feel someone pressed against her body, but no one is there and Kara’s side of the bed is cold. She looks over and sees her balcony door is wide open.

“Kara?” Lena calls out. She climbs out of bed and throws a robe over her shoulders. She pads down the hallway and into her living room, where she sees Kara sitting on one of her couches, head cradled in her hands. “Kara, what’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t… I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t save any of them - Astra, Livewire, Mon-El,” Kara answers, lips quivering and shoulders shaking. Lena rushes over and sits next to her, pulling her into a tight embrace, letting the superhero’s walls crumble down until she’s just Kara Danvers.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Lena whispers, stroking Kara’s hair. “None of it was your fault. You did the best you could.”

“But it was my responsibility,” Kara sobs, clutching Lena’s robe. “I-I’m supposed to save them!”

Lena foregoes any apprehensions or nerves and presses a kiss to Kara’s temple. It’s gentle and intimate, and the most affection they’ve shown each other thus far. Kara melts into Lena’s arms and her sobs slowly subside.

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” Lena whispers. Kara begrudgingly pulls away from Lena and gets off of the couch. She starts to take off her uniform while Lena finds her some sweats and grabs her softest MIT hoodie. This was new territory, as well. Kara never changed out of her suit before. She gratefully takes the clothes, speeds to the bathroom and changes, and climbs into bed afterwards. Lena sidles up to her and drapes one of her arms around Kara’s torso.

“Are you feeling better?” Lena asks, tracing light circles around Kara’s stomach.

“A little,” Kara answers. “Will this guilt ever go away?”

“I don’t know,” Lena admits. “I know mine hasn’t, and most of it isn’t even my guilt, it’s my family’s. You’re always worried about being scrutinized and wondering if the people looking at you secretly hate you. That’s why I’m trying so hard to change L-Corp and make it mine. I think that’s all you can do. Keep doing good things until it outweighs whatever bad things you’ve done and pray that it’ll be enough.”

Kara nods her head.

That night, Kara allows herself to be the little spoon and holds onto Lena’s arms tightly as they wrap around her. Something changes between them that night. Kara had been able to lower her walls just enough to tell Lena why she was so afraid. She was afraid of failing, of losing more people she loved, of not being able to protect them like she should.

She was afraid of being alone, but it was an inevitability. She’s the last daughter of Krypton. When everyone else around her dies, she’ll still be alive. She’ll be left behind. It’s usually what her nightmares focus on – Kara alone, Kara losing Alex or Lena, or both, losing Eliza, James, and Winn, having to kill Clark, Kara flying alone in the darkness.

So, when she asks Lena to text her when she gets home from work, or when she flies by Alex’s apartment on her way home after a night of patrolling, it’s because she’s worried. It may be borderline overprotectiveness, but she does it, because she needs to know they’re safe. She needs to know they’re there, that they’re still real.

The next morning, Lena wakes up and there’s still warmth radiating around her. Kara didn’t leave. She hugs her closer to her body, not wanting the moment to end, but Kara stirs and stretches her legs out beneath her.

“Morning,” she mumbles.

“Good morning,” Lena replies, pressing her lips to Kara’s shoulder, but making sure not to pucker them into a kiss.

“Would you like some coffee or pastries? I can go out and get some quickly.”

Truthfully, Lena would much rather stay in bed with Kara, but there’s no way she could admit that without making things weird, so she agrees for a consolation coffee and flakey pastry. Kara gets out of bed and quickly changes into her suit before opening the balcony door.

“Back in a flash, but way faster than the Flash,” she says with a wink, internally laughing at her Barry Allen reference. Within five minutes, she’s back with two hot cups of coffee and a brown paper bag filled with Lena’s favorites nestled inside. Kara also stays for breakfast – again, something new. They sit at Lena’s breakfast bar, sip their coffees and nibble at their pastries. Lena wants to ask Kara what she’s still doing there and why she didn’t leave like every other night, but she doesn’t want to offend her. Instead, she just enjoys the company, since most every other mornings she usually spends alone.

“Are you going into CatCo today?” Lena asks.

Kara nods. “Yeah, I have a couple of stories to follow up on and Snapper wants me to set up an interview with Supergirl regarding the rise of alien organized crime, even though I told him it’s just because of the holidays, but I think he secretly has a crush on Supergirl.

Lena snorts. _He isn’t the only one._

Kara checks her watch. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work by now? Oh, gosh, did I make you late? I’m so sorry.”

Lena waves her apology off. “Kara, I’m the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. I go in whenever I want to. Besides, I don’t have any meetings until the afternoon. It’s fine.” In actuality, she had to push some meetings back and would be making up the lost time later that night, after everyone else has gone home.

Kara breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay. I should head back to my apartment and get ready, anyway.” She heads to the bedroom balcony, which is the most discreet place to take off from, and opens the doors. Lena follows her and walks out with her. “So, um, I guess I’ll see you tonight?” Kara tugs at some invisible threads on her uniform.

“I’ll see you tonight, Supergirl. Be safe,” Lena says, holding out her arms for Kara to lean into. Their hug is slightly longer than what one would consider a normal friend hug, but Lena doesn’t care and she really doesn’t want to let go, but she does. She watches Kara take off and gives her a little wave when she pauses mid-air to look back at her once more.

Lena is so incredibly, utterly, fucked.

Her day at work is like any other day, except the board meeting runs long and she has to basically kick Jess out at six when her assistant refuses to leave before Lena does. Lena somehow convinces her that she’ll leave after she finishes e-mailing a few shareholders about an upcoming fundraiser, but three hours later, she’s still sitting at her desk and going through mounds of paperwork. A knock on her balcony door interrupts her and she looks back to see a familiar silhouette standing there. She gets up and walks over, opening the doors.

“Kara? What are you doing here?”

Kara shrugs and looks a little nervous. “You-you weren’t at home, so I assumed you were still here. I’m sorry if I’m overstepping. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Lena smiles and motions for Kara to enter. “I’m fine, just catching up on some work.”

“Ah-ha, so you were late this morning,” Kara wags an accusatory finger at her. “Have you even had dinner yet?”

Lena bites the corner of her lip guiltily.

“Lena! Okay, that’s it. You’re done working for tonight. Let me go get some clothes and I’ll come back and meet you out front in ten minutes.”

Normally, Lena would decline the offer, but this was _Kara_. She was physically incapable of saying no to her. She sighs and nods, and Kara is out the balcony door in seconds. Right on time, Kara jogs up to the front of the building just as Lena exits through the revolving door. She says goodnight to the security guards and they both walk down the street together.

The only place that’s still open at that time of night is a pizza place around the block and that’s good enough for them. Kara orders herself two large pizzas and Lena takes a couple of slices from one of them. She always loves watching Kara eat, because there’s just so much _joy_ that radiates from the Kryptonian when she consumes food. Lena can feel herself falling harder and faster with each bite Kara takes, but she forces herself to stop, to put it out of her mind. She can’t afford to lose Kara, so being friends, who share a bed almost every night, will have to do.

“Lena?” Kara says with a mouthful of pizza. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? Oh, yes, I’m fine.”

“Is the pizza not good?” Kara asks with a furrowed brow.

Lena shakes her head. “No, the pizza is delicious. I was just thinking about work.”

Kara wipes off a greasy hand and reaches over to hold Lena’s. “You need to stop doing that. I know you’re under a lot of pressure all of the time, but you need to stop taking work home with you. Just be Lena, for once, not Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp.”

Lena blushes and turns her face away, trying to hide it. “What about you? Don’t you have to constantly take your work home?” She means her work as Supergirl, which never ends. Kara thinks for a moment, still holding onto Lena’s hand and mindlessly rubbing her thumb across soft knuckles.

“Well, yeah, but that’s different. That’s… necessary.”

“And my work isn’t?” Lena challenges.

“No, I didn’t—I mean, of course your work is necessary. Your work is incredibly important. I just mean that it’ll be there in the morning. Some of my work… won’t.” Kara lowers her head and a crease forms across her forehead. She tries to take her hand back, but Lena grabs it again.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up anything upsetting. I know you do your best to be everywhere at once, but even you need a break.”

“If I take a break, people die,” Kara says, feeling her eyes begin to water.

“Let the DEO take care of things for a day—a weekend. Surely, they can handle that. I’m worried about you, Kara.”

“Where would I even go?”

“You could literally go anywhere, but what about the beach? Have you ever gone to the coast and relaxed, sunbathed, anything?”

“There was that one time I had to toss a Kaiju back into the ocean. I think I laid down on the sand for a while after that.”

Lena covers her face with her hands. “Kara, that’s ‘Pacific Rim’. I may be an out of touch billionaire, but I do watch movies every once in a while. Talk to Alex. I’m sure she’ll agree with me.”

Kara sighs, clearly defeated. “Fine, but if I’m being forced to go on this vacation, you have to come with me.”

Lena cocks an eyebrow. “Me?”

“When’s the last time _you_ had a vacation?”

Lena honestly couldn’t say. Luthors didn’t take vacations.

“Okay, let’s say, hypothetically, that I agree to this vacation. If we go, we don’t talk about work or saving the city. We actually relax and have a good time.”

Kara smiles. “Deal. Do you want to fly there, or...”

“Kara, I am not sitting in your arms while you fly us to the beach. I can drive.”

A pout forms across her lips and she folds her arms. Lena can’t get over how adorable she is.

“What if I let you fly us home tonight? Will that be sufficient?” She didn’t mean to use the words “home” and “us” in the same sentence, but it was too late. Kara grins widely and nods, taking Lena’s hand and dragging her to an alleyway, so she can change and take off without anyone seeing them.

Lena tells Kara to spend the night again, if only to save her from having to buy yet another lamp or mattress, and lays out the same sweatpants and hoodie that she wore the other night. Kara stands on the balcony and calls Alex before climbing into bed informing her sister that she’s taking a few days off, but if there’s an emergency, she’ll come back immediately.

“You’re taking a vacation?”

“Yes.”

“You, Kara Danvers.”

“... yes.”

“And Lena is going with you?”

“Yes, Alex. Why is this so hard for you to understand? Friends take trips together all the time. It isn’t weird.”

“This is also a friend you spend most of your nights with.”

“So? If I don’t, I have nightmares.” Kara can hear Alex sigh through the phone.

“Just... just take care of yourself, okay, sis?”

“I will. I’ll see you in a couple days. Love you.”

Kara hangs up the phone and opens the balcony doors. Lena is already in bed, reading a book.

“Got the all clear from your sister?” Lena asks, placing a bookmark between the pages and setting the novel on the bedside table.

“Yep, we are good to go.”

Lena smiles warmly. “Good. I’ve set the alarm for seven. I’d like to get there early, before the tourists get there.”

“Works for me,” Kara replies, getting comfortable underneath the sheets.

It’s different being awake in bed together. Usually, Lena is asleep when Kara arrives, but now they get to talk and have a conversation. What else should they talk about? Who’s the little spoon? Lena opts to lie flat on her back and stare up at the ceiling. She can feel Kara’s eyes on her, but she pretends not to notice. Knowing Kara can hear her heartbeat, she wills it to slow down, but it’s useless when she feels Kara slide her hand onto her arm and rests it there.

“Lena?” she hears Kara whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Would it be weird if I asked you to hold me?”

Friends hold friends in bed, right? Especially if they’re prone to nightmares that cause massive amounts of structural damage to anything in a fifty mile radius.

“Not at all,” she replies, lifting her arm, so Kara can slot herself in.

“I’m sorry I’m such a burden,” Kara says softly, wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

“Kara Danvers, you are the furthest thing from a burden. Do I think you should talk to someone about all of the things you’ve been through? Yes, but I would be a hypocrite if I judged you for not doing it.”

Kara nods thoughtfully. She knows that bottling everything up is a bad idea, but it’s worked just fine so far - if you ignore the nightmares and the need to sleep next to your best friend and use her like a security blanket every night. She cuddles up closer to Lena and allows herself to slowly drift to sleep, but Lena stays awake a little longer, just listening to Kara’s breath and wishing she could lie there and not feel completely dismantled.

* * *

Lena takes out one of her convertibles from the garage and Kara juggles all of their luggage in her arms, placing them in the trunk and backseat. She climbs into the passenger seat and puts on a pair of sunglasses over her regular glasses and Lena laughs at the scene before her.

Kara enjoys playing games in the car, so Lena humors her and plays along. They start with the alphabet game and move onto singing with the radio. When they pass a Volkswagen Beetle, Kara yells, “Slug bug,” but the look Lena gives her makes her rethink punching her and she sits back in her seat immediately.

They arrive at the hotel and unload their bags. Lena hands her keys to the valet and they walk inside. The lobby is huge with a grand piano in the center and cushy looking couches all over. Lena strolls up to the VIP line and gives them her name. The concierge snaps his fingers and one of the bellhops runs around the counter and attempts to take the bags from Kara.

“No, it’s okay. I got it.”

Lena turns around. “Let him do his job, Kara.”

Kara huffs and puts the luggage down. The bellhop struggles to pick all of them up at once, fetches a luggage cart, puts everything on it, and heads toward the elevator. Kara chuckles and shakes her head.

“It would have been easier if I just took everything.”

Lena shrugs. “Maybe, but he probably needs the tip money. Come on, let’s head to the room.” They walk to the elevator and, naturally, Lena reserved the penthouse suite on the top floor. The bellhop is waiting for them at the door and Lena gives him a generous tip and Kara almost bursts into laughter when she sees how big his eyes get.

“Okay,” Lena announces, “get into your swimsuit. We’re going to the beach.”

“Already?”

“Sure, why not?”

Kara doesn’t have a good reason not to go down to the beach, so she sighs and riffles through her suitcase in search for her swimsuit and board shorts. She changes in the bathroom and wraps one of the towels around her body. Lena uses the master bathroom and changes into her own, wrapping a sarong around her lower half.

“Shall we?” Lena asks, grabbing a wide-brimmed hat to take with her.

“Wait, sunscreen!” Kara runs back to her suitcase and pulls out a bottle. Lena looks at her strangely, because Kara certainly wouldn’t need sunscreen, so she must have brought it for her. She squashes the flutter in her chest and takes the bottle from her, applying it liberally all over her body. When Kara notices her struggling to get her back, she squirts a dot into her palm and rubs it over Lena’s pale skin.

“Thanks,” she whispers.

“S-sure. No problem,” Kara replies, keeping her palm pressed to Lena’s back a little longer.

“It’s about a five minute walk from here. We can leave through the rear of the hotel and it’ll be right there.”

Kara nods, still holding the towel around her body, and they head out. They walk down a few sets of stairs right into the sand and it takes Lena about ten minutes to convince Kara to take her shoes off.

“Kara, you didn’t bring sandals?”

“No, why would I do that?”

“Because it’s _the beach.”_

“But then I would get sand between my toes.”

“Yes, that’s the point.”

“I feel like this is a trap. I’ve been to Vathlo Island and sand between toes is not a pleasant experience. Sand gets _everywhere._ ”

Lena groans in frustration. “Kara, just trust me. You promised me that you would come with me to the beach and relax.”

“And I did! I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Will you please just do this one thing? For me?”

Kara looks at Lena and clenches her jaw, seemingly torn between her own convictions and making her friend happy. With a huff, she unlaces her shoes, takes off her socks and holds everything in one hand, while holding the towel closed with the other.

Lena grins and they walk closer to the edge of the water. Lena removes her towel and tugs playfully at Kara’s, who has a deathgrip on it. Eventually, she takes it off after Lena gives her a pout and tosses it far enough away that it won’t get wet with the rising tide. Lena grabs Kara’s hand and leads her to the water. When they get to the edge, Kara stops dead in her tracks and refuses to get too close.

“Kara? What’s wrong?”

Kara grips Lena’s hand and stares at the water as it rushes forward, threatening to touch Kara’s feet.

“It’s okay, Kara. I’ve got you.”

Kara looks up at her and tentatively takes a few steps forward. The wet sand molds to the bottoms of their feet and the water is cold as it washes over their skin. Kara giggles at the feeling when it recedes and tickles as it goes. She wiggles her toes and digs into the wet sand. Lena smiles and doesn’t let go of Kara’s hand the whole time.

When they’re done, they walk back to their towels and Lena sets up the umbrella to create some shade before lying down.

“What are you doing?” Kara asks.

“Sunbathing.”

“But there’s shade.”

“Kara, I know you don’t get sunburned, but if my skin is exposed to sun for longer than five minutes, I will look like a lobster by the end of the day.”

“We were at the water for fifteen minutes,” Kara argues.

“Yes, and I sacrificed my comfort for you.” Lena lies down on top of her towel.

Kara stares. “You just... lie there?”

Lena hums in affirmation. Kara lies down on the towel next to her and looks very stiff.

“Am I supposed to be doing something?”

“You’re supposed to be relaxing,” Lena mumbles.

A few minutes pass.

“I’m bored,” Kara complains, shifting on the towel and not looking at all comfortable.

Lena sighs and sits up. She’s clearly not going to be getting any sunbathing done. “Okay, do you want to go?”

“Where?”

“I think there’s an ice cream parlor down the stre— Kara?”

Kara is already putting her shoes on and racing up the stairs. Lena laughs and follows behind, carrying the towels and umbrella under her arms. They get to the ice cream parlor, order their cones, and continue walking down the street, window shopping at all of the little stores. Kara takes the towels and umbrella from Lena, so she can use both hands for her cup and spoon.

“This is nice,” Kara states, licking at her cone and pouts when she sees it leaking out the bottom, trying to suck at the pointy end of the cone.

“Is it helping you relax?” Lena asks, handing Kara a napkin to wipe her hands.

“It’s... I don’t know. It’s just nice,” Kara says with a shrug. “I like spending time with you.” Lena smiles at her and nods in agreement.

They spend the rest of the day lounging around in the hotel. Lena sets up the indoor jacuzzi and tries to convince Kara that it isn’t too hot and she doesn’t need to use her freeze breath on it. They order room service and eat together on the floor of the living room. After they get ready for bed, Kara looks in the direction of the master bedroom and the guest room and wrings her fingers nervously.

“Kara?” Lena says, drying off her hair with a towel.

“Do I—am I—um, where am I sleeping?”

Lena smiles. “You can sleep with me in the master if you want. I mean, if it will make you more comfortable.”

Kara nods and heads to the bedroom. The room is huge with a king size bed, a vanity that spans an entire wall, two walk-in closets, and its own en suite bathroom. Kara climbs into bed and Lena climbs in on the other side. They leave at least three feet in between them. Kara pulls the sheets up to her chin and chews on her bottom lip, trying to focus on different sounds - Lena’s breathing, Lena’s heartbeat, her own heartbeat.

“Lena?” she says meekly.

“Yeah?”

“I can’t sleep.” What she means is she can’t sleep without feeling Lena next to her, but she doesn’t say it.

“What do you need?” Lena asks, turning to face her friend.

“I-I’m not sure,” Kara answers.

“Here,” Lena says, grabbing one of Kara’s arms and draping it across her torso and turns onto her other side, so Kara is spooning her. “Will this help?”

Kara swallows thickly. “I think so.”

Lena waits until she hears Kara’s deep and even breaths before she can relax. It takes her another twenty minutes before she’s able to fall asleep herself, trying her best to not dream about her best friend.

* * *

Things after their vacation remain the same, for the most part, until one afternoon when Kara receives a text message from Lena, telling her that she won’t be home until late that night. When she asks why, Lena responds, saying she has a date. The lump in Kara’s chest makes it hard for her to breathe and she braces herself on her desk when James walks by.

“Hey, Kara, you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she answers, trying to steady her breaths. It’s fine. She's fine, she’ll just see Lena after her date. Nothing’s changed. Everything will be okay.

“Okay, well, I need to duck out early. I’ve got a date tonight. You got everything covered?”

_He has a date tonight, too? That’s got to be a coincidence, right?_

“Oh, who are you going out with?”

James clears his throat. “Uh, Lena Luthor.”

Kara does her best to hide her surprise and feels a wave of panic bubbling in her stomach. “Excuse me, I need to—bathroom,” she stands and hurries off, leaving James behind. She throws the bathroom door open, nearly knocking it off its hinges and locks herself in one of the stalls. She takes her phone out of her pocket, hands shaking uncontrollably, and calls Alex.

“Kara? What’s up?”

“Lena,” her voice breaks. She hates herself a little for being so _weak._ She’s Supergirl, for Rao’s sake.

“What happened to Lena? Is she okay?”

“She—she’s going on a date. With James.”

“Oh,” Alex says, pausing for a moment. “Well, isn’t that good? They’re both your friends.”

Kara sighs in frustration, because Alex doesn’t understand. She doesn’t understand that changing her routine isn’t a possibility. She’ll have to lock herself inside of her apartment again and the nightmares are going to come back. What if Lena and James get serious? She’ll never see Lena. She’ll leave her just like everyone else has.

“Yeah, it’s great. I just—nevermind, sorry for bothering you. I’ll see you later.” She hangs up before Alex can get a word in. She leaves the bathroom and tells Snapper that she has to go follow-up on a story and she’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day. When she gets to her apartment, she shuts the door behind her and slides down to the floor.

It’s so stupid. How she’s reacting is stupid. She should be happy for Lena, but instead of being happy for her friend, she’s worried about herself and what’s going to happen to her. She’s dealt with her nightmares just fine by herself; she’ll just have to move everything out of arm’s reach. She calls Winn and asks him to install additional red sun lamps and automatic locks at her place. The landlord probably won't be happy, but it's better than having to replace an entire wall. She can do this. She tells herself that the Lena thing never would have lasted. Eventually, she would have had to stop flying there. She would have overstayed her welcome.

It’s fine. She’s fine. Nothing’s changed. Everything will be okay.

After Winn installs the locks and shows her how the remote works, he tries to talk her into going out for dinner, but she declines, saying she has a deadline for a non-existent article. That night, she gets ready for bed, arms the locks, turns on the lamps, and climbs underneath her sheets. She wonders where James and Lena are, wonders where they went to dinner, what they’re doing afterwards. She wonders if James will kiss Lena after dropping her off. Her phone buzzes and she sees that Alex is calling, but she declines the call, pulling a pillow over her head, trying to shut off all the noise and her thoughts.

It takes her at least an hour to fall asleep, but when she finally does, it doesn’t take her long before she’s bolting upright, out of breath, sweat soaking through her shirt, and heart threatening to beat right out of her chest. She wipes her face with her hands and checks her phone. Lena tried calling her and sent her a couple of text messages, asking Kara if she was okay and saying she could come over if she wanted to. Kara feels her eyes start to burn as tears fall down her cheeks. She throws the phone back onto her nightstand, not replying to Lena, and prays for a dreamless sleep.

Weeks pass and Kara still hasn’t stayed over at Lena’s. Any text that she gets from Lena is answered with very short one-worded answers, until she stops getting them. James tries to talk to her at work, but she just feels rage when she sees him and resists the urge to throw him out of one of the building windows. Alex comes by occasionally with some of Kara’s favorite foods, trying to entice her to eat and get her to talk to her, but Kara only picks at the food and refuses to open up.

“Lena still cares about you,” Alex says, pushing a carton of potstickers closer to her.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kara responds curtly.

“Kara, you need to talk to someone.”

“I’m doing just fine, Alex. Drop it.”

Alex sighs and gives up trying. She stays for a little while longer, telling Kara about the things the DEO is looking into, but Kara isn’t listening. She’s thinking about James and Lena, wondering if they’ve slept together. Of course they have, it’s been a month. She wonders which bed they use. Do they stay in Lena’s penthouse? Does James sleep on _her_ side?

There’s one day where Kara has to go into the office to drop of some things for Snapper and when James sees her, she groans when he jogs up to her.

“Hey, Kara, you haven’t been around,” he says.

“Oh, you know, busy working on stuff. Doing a lot of work from home or out in the field,” she replies. She’d managed to avoid him during DEO business, as well. Alex tried to play it off as she just needed to clear her head, but by the third night of being avoided, he knew something was up.

“Lena’s been asking about you, you know,” he adds. “She says she hasn’t heard from you in a while, either.”

“I’ve been busy, James,” she replies with a warning tone, but he keeps pushing.

“Why don’t you come out to my place for dinner, just us three? I know she’d like to see you.”

“I don’t think I can, sorry,” Kara says hurriedly while trying to head to the elevator.

“Kara. Kara!” he yells after her, but she jumps into the elevator just as the doors close. She bends over and takes a series of deep breaths. She takes out her phone and looks through her messages, finding the last ones she received from Lena over two weeks ago. _Kara, did I do something wrong? Please, talk to me. I miss you. I hope you’re okay. I’ll be here when you’re ready._

Tears sting her eyes as she grips her phone and doesn’t realize it’s cracking in her fist. When she opens her eyes again, her phone is in pieces and she sighs. She heads to the mall before going home and picks out a new phone, stopping in front of a toy store that reminds her of Lena.

She remembers when Lena told her a story about Lex and how they would have contests where they would try to assemble Legos without the instructions and see who could do it the fastest without any leftover pieces. Lena told her that she didn’t have very many good memories of her childhood, but the few that she did have, she held them close. When Lex left to start getting primed as the heir of Luthor-Corp, she was alone a lot, and when Lex’s madness overtook him, that’s when she lost him. When Lena told her that she didn’t have a lot of friends, she didn’t mean just in National City. She didn’t have a lot of friends, period, and now Kara abandoned her just like her family did.

Taking out her new phone, she looks at it with its shiny screen protector and cover. She texts James and asks when dinner is. He replies almost immediately and tells her to meet at his apartment at seven.

She can do this. She’s fine. Nothing’s changed. Everything will be okay.

Throughout the rest of the day, she tries to convince herself not to go approximately eighteen times, but she needs to go. It’s for Lena. She buys a bottle of wine on the way there and walks up to James’ door, knocking timidly. The door opens and James is standing there, smiling and welcoming. He embraces her gently, even though he doesn’t really need to, but probably thinks she’s more fragile that she lets on. Lena is sitting on the couch and smiles warmly when she walks in. She stands up and walks toward her, hugging her close.

“Hey, you,” she whispers into Kara’s hair. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Kara replies, remembering the way Lena’s shampoo smells and the way her heart beats when they touch. She pulls back and looks at the bottle still sitting in her hand. “Oh, I brought this.” She offers the wine to her.

“You got my favorite,” Lena says with a shine in her eyes. She takes the bottle and gives it to James to open.

“Yeah,” Kara replies quietly, wringing her fingers mindlessly.

“Come, sit,” Lena grabs her by the wrist, leading her to the couch, and Kara sits down next to her. “So, how have you been?”

“Good, good,” Kara says unconvincingly. “Busy with work and DEO business. You know how it goes.”

Lena nods. “Did you—did you get my texts?”

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I was always in the middle of something when you sent them and I meant to reply, but I kept forgetting.” Kara never forgot to reply to messages. In fact, she almost compulsively replied to every message she received and Lena knew that.

“Kara, I think we should talk,” Lena whispers, almost inaudibly, but knows Kara will be able to pick it up.

“All right, dinner’s ready,” James says before Kara can answer. She stands up quickly and heads to the kitchen table, not acknowledging what Lena said. Dinner is slightly awkward, but James tries to keep the air light and cracks jokes the entire time. Whenever he mentions something about Lena, Kara feels her jaw clench and she has to remember that she isn’t in her own apartment and can’t break anything. At the end of the night, Kara thanks James for a lovely dinner and tries to leave quickly, but Lena offers to walk her out.

“I’m fine, Lena. I can make it home from here,” she waves her off at the front of the building.

“Kara,” Lena says, taking a step closer and wanting to grab her hand, but decides against it. “What’s wrong? Things have been weird since—well, since James and I started seeing each other.”

“Nothing’s wrong. I just figured you wanted to have time with him,” Kara shrugs.

“You’re still my best friend and I always want you around,” Lena replies, taking another step forward. “How are your nightmares?”

“Manageable,” she lies.

Lena sighs, now taking one of Kara’s hands into her own. “Kara, nothing’s changed between us. I’m always here for you. If you need to come over, just say so. I still keep my balcony unlocked just in case.”

Kara shakes her head, taking a step back and reclaiming her hand. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine. Look, I really need to go.”

“Kara,” Lena tries again. “Don’t shut me out. Please.”

“Does—does he make you happy?” She asks suddenly.

Lena looks a little taken aback by the question. She’d never really thought about her happiness while she’s been with James. He’d been good to her, sure, and she felt safe enough with him. Did he make her happy?

“Yes,” she says, mostly trying to convince herself.

“Good, that’s all that matters. Bye, Lena,” Kara says, turning around and walking down the street. Lena watches her walk into an alley and then sees Supergirl shoot across the darkened sky.

Another week passes and Kara doesn’t speak to either James or Lena. She thought that seeing them together and acting like friends again would help, but it just made the dull ache turn into full-blown anguish. Alex shows up one morning with coffee and donuts, which is the only reason why Kara let her in. Alex finds the remote to the red sun lamps and turns them on.

“Hey!”

“You are going to talk to me, no running away,” Alex says with her hands on her hips.

Kara rolls her eyes and takes a donut out of the box, stuffing half of it in her mouth.

“Look, I know that James and Lena being together is upsetting you. You feel like you’ve lost your best friend, but it doesn’t need to be that way. People are capable of multitasking and I’m sure Lena is a professional multitasker. She can juggle a boyfriend and a best friend at the same time.”

Kara just shakes her head sadly. It isn’t even the fact that Lena and James are together that’s upsetting. Lena had been her person for so long, she’d been the one thing that kept her nightmares at bay and now she couldn’t even look at her.

“I’m fine, Alex, honest.”

“You are not fine, Kara. You haven’t been for a long time and it’s killing me to see you like this. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for everything. Look at all the good you’ve done for this city and its people. If you keep beating yourself up, you’re eventually going to get burned out and resent it. And the thing with Lena, you need to _tell her._ ”

Kara just stares at the floor and shakes her head. She isn’t ready to face this yet. “I can’t.”

“She’ll understand, Kara. She loves you.”

“No!” Kara takes a sobering breath. “No, she won’t.”

Alex gives Kara a sympathetic look, putting a hand on one of her shoulders. “Kara, you can’t live like this.” She turns off the lamps and gives Kara a hug before she leaves. Kara sighs and looks around her quiet apartment, feeling completely alone. She changes into her suit and heads toward Lena’s penthouse, landing on the balcony. She tentatively tries the handle, remembering that Lena kept it unlocked for her. The door opens and she walks in slowly, trying to listen for any movement. When she’s convinced that no one is home, she walks into Lena’s bedroom. The bed is made and doesn’t look like it’s been slept in in a while. Kara opens the door to the huge walk-in closet and turns on the light. Rows of shoes and dresses line the walls, but Kara notices the MIT hoodie that Lena let her borrow. She picks it up and brings it up to her nose, trying to inhale any remaining essence left by Lena.

She takes it and lies down on the bed, curled up on her side, clutching the hoodie to the crest on her chest. She didn’t intend to fall asleep, but she wakes up hours later and the room is dark and still empty. There’s a sound at the front door and Kara bolts upright and speeds through the penthouse, puts the hoodie away, and leaves through the balcony. She sits on top of the roof for a little while and waits, listening to Lena move around and making strange noises. Is she… crying? Kara floats down and lands on the balcony, looking inside. Lena is sitting on the edge of the bed with her head hanging down to her chest.

Kara knocks on the balcony door and Lena looks up suddenly, wiping away any sign of tears quickly. She stands up and opens the door.

“Kara,” she says wistfully.

“Hey,” Kara says, fidgeting. “I was just… in the area.” She winces. She hates lying. “Actually, I came by to see if you were home.”

Lena laughs lightly. “Well, I’m home.”

“Are, are you okay?” Kara asks, trying to get Lena to look up at her. Lena straightens up, becoming the stiff Lena that Kara had only seen when they were in her office.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Lena,” Kara says, touching her arm, “you don’t need to do that with me. You don’t need to harden yourself, pretend you’re untouchable, unfeeling. What happened?”

Lena sits back down on the bed and Kara sits next to her. They’re holding hands and Lena has them in her lap, mindlessly tracing her fingers over Kara’s knuckles.

“I broke up with James.”

Kara’s eyes widen. “What? Why?”

Lena shakes her head sadly. “It wasn’t working,” she sighs, “not for me, anyway.”

Kara furrows her brow, thinking back to their dinner and how happy she looked. “But you two seemed so good together. It looked like he made you happy. You, you told me he made you happy.”

“Kara, I was telling you what I thought I was supposed to say. If I admitted that I felt nothing for him or that he wasn’t I wanted, it would just be another failure on my part. I hoped that if I kept telling people he was good for me, that I was happy, I would believe it myself. I think I’m broken.”

Kara squeezes Lena’s hand. “You are _not_ broken. You just put so much pressure on yourself to look the part of a Luthor and L-Corp CEO. You don’t get to be _you_.”

Lena lets out a long breath. “Still. I’m sorry, I know James is your friend and this is probably going to complicate things.”

Kara chuckles. “Lena, stop. You’re my best friend. If James and I almost dating and breaking-up didn’t complicate things, your break-up with him won’t. It’ll be fine.”

Lena stands up and looks at her disheveled state. “I need a shower. Will you stay here tonight? I don’t really want to spend the night alone in this big penthouse.”

Kara nods. “Yeah, of course.” Lena smiles and heads toward the bathroom. When Kara can hear the shower running, she heads back into the closet, takes the MIT hoodie back out and finds a pair of navy blue sweats. She changes and climbs underneath the covers, waiting for Lena to finish showering. The shower gets turned off and Lena opens the door, letting the steam out. She exits with just a towel wrapped around her body and wet hair dripping behind her. Kara gulps and her eyes follow her every step.

“Sorry,” Lena apologizes. She grabs some clothes out of her closet and goes back to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. A few minutes later, she emerges again and she lies down in bed next to Kara. Silence falls between them until Lena finally says something.

“How have your nightmares been, really?”

Kara grips the duvet that lays across her body. “They’ve been, um, fine.”

Lena rolls her eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”

Kara huffs. “They’ve been bad. I’ve had to buy three new lamps and a new set of stools.”

“How did you keep yourself from sleepflying?”

“I had Winn install red sun lamps all over my apartment. Apparently, unconscious me doesn’t know how to use a remote, so that’s helpful,” Kara jokes.

Lena frowns. “I’m sorry, Kara.”

Kara turns to face Lena. “For what? It’s not your responsibility to deal with my—with me. I’m going to need to deal with this on my own eventually.”

“What if you don’t have to?” Lena whispers. “Deal with it on your own, I mean.” She turns to face Kara now, biting the corner of her lip and shifting her gaze from strikingly blue eyes to lips that are always curved into a smile.

“Why are you looking at me like that?“ Kara asks nervously. She can hear Lena’s heartbeat increasing and hers is doing the same. Bringing a hand up to Kara’s cheek, Lena leans in and kisses her lips gently, all of the feelings she’s felt for the past year pouring out of her, into this one moment. Kara breaks the kiss and ducks her head.

“Lena, you just broke up with James. This—I—it’s just very soon.”

Lena recoils and removes her hands from Kara’s skin. “Oh, god, Kara. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”

Kara smiles gently. “You don’t need to be sorry. Here, turn on your side.” Lena does so and Kara slots herself behind her, wrapping her arms around her.

It’s the best night’s sleep Kara’s had – and the worst one Lena’s had – in weeks.

In the morning, Lena wakes up after having a few hours of broken sleep. She was hyperaware of every breath she felt on her neck and whenever she felt Kara tighten her arms around her. There is no way for Lena to get out of bed without disturbing Kara and waking her up, so she lies still and tries not to move. When she feels Kara nuzzle her face into her neck, she feels her body stiffen and Kara groans as she stretches her legs out.

“You okay? Your heart’s beating kinda fast.”

“Yeah,” Lena breathes. “I’m okay.”

“Do you want coffee? I can get up and make some.”

Lena feels the tension lessen. “Sure, that sounds good.”

Kara untangles herself from Lena and gets out of bed. She makes her way to Lena’s kitchen, realizing she’s never actually made coffee there before. She used to always fly out and get some. Kara looks at all of the state-of-the-art gadgets on the counters and finds one that might be a coffeemaker.

“How the heck do you work this thing?” Kara mumbles. Finally, bested by the French press, she just quickly changes into her suit and flies to the coffee shop that she always goes to and gets the usual order. When she returns, Lena is still lying in bed, curled up in the sheets and Kara smiles. She sets the coffee and pastry on the end table next to Lena and she stirs.

“Mmm, that smells good,” she says, opening her eyes and chuckling. “I thought you were going to make coffee.”

“I was, but then you have all of these… _things_ in your kitchen and I don’t know how to use them. I didn’t want to break anything, so buying coffee was easier than figuring out how to press coffee in a French way.”

Lena smiles and shakes her head, taking a sip of her coffee and tearing off a piece of her pastry. She’s glad things aren’t awkward between them. Kara was good at forcing awkwardness out of situations when she really wanted to, while also being very awkward at the same time.

Kara sits on the edge of the bed and drinks her own coffee. She flicks off an imaginary piece of lint off of her suit. “So, do you want to talk about last night?”

“Not really,” Lena sighs, sipping her coffee and letting the liquid warm her chilled heart.

Kara nods. “Okay. Do you… want to do something else today? We could go to the zoo or one of those stuffy museums that you like.”

“Kara,” Lena sighs, “I still have work today, and so do you.”

Kara huffs, sticking her bottom lip out. “Fine, can I come by tonight?”

Lena laughs, knowing Kara won’t let it go until she agrees to something. “Okay, sure.” Kara does a not-so-discreet fist pump, which makes Lena laugh even harder. She's grateful that Kara isn’t freaking out.

Kara is absolutely freaking out. Her best friend kissed her right after breaking up with her ex-boyfriend. She doesn’t know who to talk to about it, because she would normally talk to Lena about something like this.

She goes into CatCo and quickly walks past James’ office on her way to get chewed out by Snapper.

“Kara!” James calls after her.

Kara groans and turns around, watching James lumber toward her.

“Hey, James, I’ve actually got a meeting with Snapper and you know how he’s a stickler for being on time!”

“Yeah, I know, this will just take a minute. I’m assuming you know Lena and I broke up. Um, how is she?”

“She’s fine- I mean, she feels bad, of course. How are you?”

“I’m all right. It’s for the best, you know?  We’re both crazy busy with our jobs, married to our work and all that. We weren’t spending that much time together and when we were together, she always looked like she wanted to be somewhere else.”

Kara feels incredibly guilty. James really is a decent guy, but their lives just make everything more complicated than normal.

“I’m really sorry, James. I know I don’t have much room to talk, but you’re an exceptional guy. I’m so lucky to have you as a friend.”

He smiles. “Thanks, Kara. You’d better get to Snapper before he blows a gasket.”

Kara laughs. “See you later, James.” As she’s about to leave, James stops her.

“Um, hey Kara? I— it’s probably not my place to tell you this, but while I was with Lena, I could tell that I wasn’t the one she wanted to be with.” He gives her a knowing look and squeezes her shoulder before walking back to his office. Kara stands there with her mouth open dumbly. Did he mean that Lena wants to be with her?

“Danvers! Get your rear in gear!” Snapper yells from his office and Kara pushes her feelings down once again, pretending she and James never spoke. After Snapper is done giving Kara a verbal beatdown, she packs up her things and heads home. She mulls over what James told her earlier, even though she was trying to convince herself that the conversation never happened.

On her way home, she feels her phone buzz in her pocket and she sees a text from Lena, asking her over for dinner. She replies affirmatively and sends seven smiley emojis. Kara purchases another bottle of Lena’s favorite wine before heading over to her penthouse. When she arrives, she can tell Lena's heart rate is racing. She smells something burning and panics, flying up to the balcony and letting herself in. She rushes into the kitchen, where she finds Lena cursing and grabbing something undistinguishable from the stove.

“Lena, are you okay?”

Lena jumps a little and drops the pan onto the floor and it clatters to the floor. “Jesus, Kara! Yes, I’m fine. I just miscalculated the cooking time a little.”

Kara darts her eyes around the kitchen area, looking at the eight different mixing bowls, three spatulas, two baking sheets, hand mixer, and five pans that are spread out in the sink and on the counter. Kara’s chest flutters a little when she realizes that Lena was trying to cook dinner for her.

Lena sighs and considers dinner a loss, tossing the burnt… whatever they are into the trash. “I was trying to make potstickers. Some of these recipes are absolutely dreadful. How is anyone supposed to follow these things when all they do is talk about their trip to Hong Kong for two pages and their kids’ appetite for another page?”

Kara feels that familiar tug in her chest and she smiles. Rolling up her sleeves, she starts rearranging things in the sink, so one side is empty and starts washing dishes.

“You don’t have to do that,” Lena says gently, slightly embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” Kara replies. “Why don’t you order some food and pick out a movie to watch while I finish up in here?”

Lena smiles and presses her cheek to Kara’s shoulder before opening her drawer full of take-out menus and finds the one for Kara’s favorite Chinese restaurant. She orders enough food to feed a small army, or at least one Kryptonian, and grabs a dish towel and dries off the wet dishes. There’s a comfortable silence that falls between the two of them while they complete their very domestic task and it feels good.

“Lena,” Kara says, rubbing a sponge across the smooth plane of a plate, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I can’t stop thinking about the other night when you—when we, you know. But if it really was a mistake, it’s totally fine. I won’t mention it again and we can forget about it.”

Lena continues drying off the dishes, not looking over at Kara, afraid that she’ll break into a million pieces at her feet. “No, you were right. It’s too soon. I just got out of a relationship, albeit a very short one, but I don’t want you to feel like a rebound.”

Kara nods. “Right, a rebound. So, friends then?”

Lena nods and purses her lips. “Friends. I mean, I tried _cooking_ for you, Kara. I wouldn’t do that for just anyone.”

Kara laughs heartily at that and adds more soap to her sponge, taking her sudsy finger and poking Lena’s nose with it. “It was a valiant effort.” Lena rolls her eyes and they finish up washing and drying the dishes before opening the bottle of wine that Kara brought and waiting for their food to arrive. The buzzer on the door rings and Kara practically flies through the penthouse in order to open it. She excitedly takes the food, tips the delivery guy, and brings everything to the counter. She grabs one of the plates that she just washed and starts dishing everything out, sticking an entire potsticker in her mouth, which Lena laughs at.

“’m hongreh,” Kara mutters with her mouth full.

Lena just shakes her head and adds significantly less food to her own plate. When Kara is about halfway done eating, her DEO phone rings and she answers it. Her brow furrows and her lips curve downwards into a frown.

“I have to go,” she sighs.

Lena smiles in understanding. “Go save the world, Supergirl.”

“I can come back after?” Kara says with a hopeful look.

“Sure,” Lena says, smiling.

Without thinking, Kara kisses Lena on the cheek and grabs a potsticker for the road, quickly changing into her suit and leaving via the balcony. “Back in a flash,” she says over her shoulder before jumping into the night sky.

“But way faster than The Flash,” Lena replies, grinning at the stars.

Kara’s gone for the next three hours and Lena starts to put all of the food into other containers when she here’s a thud in her bedroom. She walks over to see what it is, assuming it’s just Kara, but she finds Kara on the floor just in front of the balcony.

“Oh god, Kara?” Lena rushes over to her and lays her on her back, leaning in to see if she’s breathing. She is, so she grabs a pillow off of her bed and puts it underneath her head and grabs her phone from the kitchen, dialing Alex’s number on the way back to Kara.

_“Lena?”_

“Alex, Kara’s hurt. I don’t know what happened. She just showed up at my place and collapsed.”

Lena can hear Alex make a frustrated sound through the phone. _“She never listens. Okay, I’ll be right there, don’t move her.”_

Hanging up the call, Lena tosses the phone on the floor and places a hand on Kara’s shoulder, watching her chest rise and fall with each shallow breath. She curls up beside her and links her arm with Kara’s, resting her head on the other woman’s shoulder. The door buzzer rings through the hall and Lena gets up, checks the camera, and lets Alex inside. She leads her to the bedroom, where Kara lies and Alex takes her vitals and checks for any injuries.

“Did she say anything?”

“No, I just heard her come in and she was on the floor when I found her. What was she doing?”

We got intel that Cadmus was going to launch an attack on L-Corp. Apparently, your mother doesn’t like that you’ve been seen fraternizing with an alien. She was going to use you as bait. Kara got a little... upset. Do you remember Metallo?”

“He was the man who was imbued with kryptonite a couple years ago. Kara told me about him. Isn’t he dead?”

Alex nods. “Yes, but apparently Cadmus was using that tech to build more weapons and suits. Kara was way in over her head.”

Lena laughs sardonically. “My loving mother. So, Kara tried to stop whoever it was?”

“Yes. I tried to tell her to wait for back-up, but she charged right in there.” Alex sighs. “Lena, Kara is… fragile right now. I know you’ve been trying to help her, but she needs consistency and routine. She was in really bad shape when you started dating James, so if that were ever to happen again, I don’t know what it’ll do to her.”

Lena bristles and starts getting defensive. “What exactly are you saying Alex? Are you saying I should cut her out of my life? Tell her she can’t stay here anymore?”

“No, of course not. Look, I know how close you two are. I just—she’s my sister and I want to protect her. I just don’t see how this arrangement that you have can be a long-term solution.”

“I love her,” Lena says, almost inaudibly.

“You what?” Alex asks, taking her hands off of whatever instrument she was using.

“I’m in love with your sister. I have been for a long time, but I’m so afraid of losing her. I—I kissed her and she didn’t return it. Granted, it was the same night that I broke up with James, which, in hindsight, makes a lot of sense. I don’t think she really understands what a rebound is, but she didn’t want to be one. I even tried to cook for her. Me! All of my cookware has been for show the whole time I’ve lived here.

“Lena,” Alex cuts her off. “You need to tell her. I’ve had to listen to her talk about you for the past two years and I am _exhausted_. So, for the love of all that is holy, please tell her how you feel. I promise you she feels the same way, but she doesn’t want to ruin things between you two either.”

“Oh,” is all Lena can say. “Well, I, uh…”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Useless. Wait until she wakes up. I don’t think she’s seriously injured and she’ll probably just need some R&R, which you seem to be good at getting her to do. If she gets any worse, you call me. Now, help me lift her onto the bed.”

Lena grabs Kara’s arms, while Alex gets her legs and they flop her on top of the mattress.

“Thank you, Alex,” Lena says, holding her arms in front of her body.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously, Lena, you two are made for each other. Both of you just need to figure it out.”

Lena nods and walks Alex to the front door. They say goodbye to each other and Lena walks back to her bedroom, stopping at the door. She looks at the unconscious woman in her bed and it shouldn’t feel as strange as it does, but now that she’s certain that Kara feels the same, the air feels heavier in a way.

She climbs into bed next to Kara and puts her arms around her, running her hands down the fabric of the blue and red suit.

“You have to be okay, Kara,” Lena whispers into the Kryptonian’s ear. “You hear me? I can’t lose you.”

Kara’s breathing is shallow, but steady, and Lena lets it lull her to sleep. The last thing she thinks about is how Kara feels the same way about her and telling herself that they need to talk. Lena would tell her.

The sun shines through the balcony doors the next morning and Kara stirs. Lena wakes up and looks over.

“Kara? How are you feeling?”

“How, how did I get here? What happened?” She sits up on the bed.

“Your sister said there were some Metallo wannabes that you felt the need to beat up.”

A look of recollection comes over Kara’s face. “Oh, right. There was going to be an attack on L-Corp and I wanted to stop it before they had the chance.”

Lena sighs. “You need to let people help you. You can’t keep going at it alone.” She doesn’t mean just fighting aliens and keeping National City safe. The war that Kara is fighting inside of her own mind is becoming more than she can handle.

Kara gets out of bed now, slightly wobbly. She realizes she’s still in her suit and sighs. “I could handle it. I did handle it. You’re safe.”

 “You could have _died_ , Kara.”

“I wasn’t going to die. I’m kind of invulnerable.”

Lena laughs incredulously. “But you’re not. You can still get hurt, _especially_ if kryptonite is involved, which it was. Your scars aren’t always visible, but they’re there.” She places a hand on Kara’s chest. “And if you won’t talk about it or confront it, I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore.”

“Lena, what are you saying?”

“I have to walk away, Kara.” She says it without thinking. Lena realizes she’s doing the exact opposite of what Alex told her to do, but Kara’s stubbornness and reluctance to talk about things that are actually affecting her makes her feel like they can go any further until she does.

“Do you mean from our friendship, or something else?”

Lena shrugs her shoulders and squeezes one of Kara’s arms. “All of it.” She leans in and kisses Kara on the cheek, at the corner of her mouth, and walks out of the room, leaving Kara and all of the pieces left of her heart in her wake. Kara clenches her fists and feels heat burn throughout her entire body. She rips the balcony doors open, nearly ripping them off of the walls and flies off.

Bracing herself on her kitchen counter, Lena lets her tears fall freely. She was moments away from telling Kara how she felt, but when faced with it, faced with the reality that everything around her was broken, she couldn't do it. She was always in recovery mode and was always doing some sort of damage control, whether it was with L-Corp, the fragments of her family, Kara’s crippling anxiety and inability to confront her fears and work through them, or her own issues with commitment and being kind to herself. So, she did what she was used to, what felt comfortable.

She walked away.

Lena doesn’t hear the balcony doors being opened again and doesn’t hear footsteps land in her bedroom. Kara clears her throat from the hallway and it makes Lena jump.

“Alex called me an idiot and made me come back,” Kara says with her mouth in full pout mode.

Lena huffs out a tiny laugh and dabs at her face with a paper towel. She gestures at her couch and walks toward it, sitting down while Kara joins her.

Kara pulls at the edge of her cape, not making eye contact.

“I’m sorry—“

“Lena, I—“

They both laugh in unison.

“Go ahead,” Lena says.

Kara smiles sheepishly and sets her cape down, letting it drape across the sofa. “I’m sorry for scaring you and for—for,” she pauses and sighs, “for ignoring my issues for so long. It’s just that I don’t have many people here who will understand what I go through and what I’ve dealt with. I can talk to Clark, but he’s busy with his own stuff and Winn is just as hopeless as I am.”

Lena laughs under her breath and takes one of Kara’s hands. “I know I’m not familiar with life on Krypton and I don’t know everything you’ve had to endure, but I _can_ listen. I’m always here for you, Kara, no matter what. You carry so much on your shoulders that it’s been weighing down on you. It’s no wonder you’re dealing with so much stress. The world does need you, Kara, but it needs you to be healthy and safe. _I_ need you to be healthy and safe, because I—“ She swallows the lump in her throat.

“You what?” Kara asks, eyes searching Lena’s.

Lena exhales and shrugs. “I love you, Kara. I have for a long time, but convinced myself that it was just our friendship that made me feel that way. I ignored that tug in my chest that I felt whenever I was near you and pretended that I didn’t want to wrap you up in my arms whenever you were upset about something or having a bad day.”

“And James? What was he?”

“He was… a distraction. He was an attempt at forcing myself to forget about my feelings for my best friend, which wasn’t fair to him. I told him that when I broke up with him, but he understood. He could tell I was unhappy and that I was struggling with something.”

Kara nods. “You know, he talked to me at CatCo shortly after the break-up. He told me that he knew he wasn’t the one you really wanted to be with and I didn’t really know what to think of that.”

Lena shook her head and lightly scratched her palm. “I never should have accepted that date. I knew it would end badly for him, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

Kara chuckles “Alex was right, we’re both idiots.” Lena quirks her eyebrow, telling Kara to continue. “She said that we were both so busy tiptoeing around each other that were missing the very obvious clues that we were sending.”

Lena laughs. “Well, she’s right. You _did_ choose to fly to my balcony every night.”

“I don’t think I really chose anything while I was unconscious, but maybe that was just my brain trying to knock some sense into me.”

A companionable silence falls between them and Lena looks down at Kara’s hand, which is still cradled in hers.

“So, how do we do this?” Lena asks, looking up at Kara, who has the softest look in her eyes. She scoffs a little and shrugs.

“All I know how to do somewhat successfully is be a superhero. This human feeling stuff is all you, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena snorts. “Human feeling stuff? Let’s examine my track record with romantic partners, shall we? In the past ten years, there’s been… Jack and James, and I don’t think James should even count.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him that he doesn’t count,” Kara says with a laugh. Lena playfully shoves Kara into the armrest of the couch and the Kryptonian flails her arms around exaggeratedly. “Have you been working out?”

Lena huffs and rolls her eyes.

“I love you, too, by the way,” Kara says quietly, slowing bringing her eyes up to meet Lena’s. "I was miserable when you were with James and I thought that it was just because my nightmares came back and I had to lock myself in my own apartment, but that wasn’t it. I was jealous. I was angry that he got to spend time with you.”

Lena places her hands on each side of Kara’s face and searches her eyes for any hesitation. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” Remembering how Kara froze the last time, she wanted to make sure Kara wanted it and that she was ready. When Kara nods, Lena leans in slowly and presses their lips together chastely. When she feels Kara relax into her, it emboldens her and she gives herself permission to deepen the kiss. She swipes her tongue across Kara’s bottom lip and she hears her breath hitch. At that moment, a switch flicks inside of Lena’s brain and she pushes Kara back into the sofa cushions and lies on top of her, kissing her lips, up her jaw, and down her neck.

Their breaths are the only sounds reverberating on the walls of the penthouse and when Lena pushes her knee between Kara’s legs, a loud moan echoes through the room.

“Lena, wait,” Kara says breathlessly, putting her hands on the other woman’s shoulders and pushing back gently.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Lena says full of worry.

“Nothing, nothing. It’s just—it feels fast. I know it’s been a long time coming—don’t joke—but I want to do this right. Can, can I take you out to dinner?”

“Kara Danvers, are you asking me out on a date?” Lena says with a smirk.

Kara blushes and ducks her head. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

Lena brings Kara’s hands up to her lips and kisses their knuckles. “I would love to go out to dinner with you.” Kara’s smile is so big that Lena’s afraid her face will get stuck that way, but she laughs and starts to pull Kara off of the couch. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“Oh,” Kara says. “Um, is that—is that still okay? I mean, things are a little different now. I’m perfectly okay with going home and locking the door and windows. I—“

“Kara,” Lena says, placing a finger over the blonde’s lips. “It’s okay. Both of us are adults and I’m pretty sure we can keep our hands to ourselves.”

Kara feels her face get warm and nods, following Lena to the bedroom. They change and get ready for bed; Lena had left a new toothbrush on the shelf, along with Kara’s favorite shampoo and conditioner in the shower. When they’re done, they climb under the covers and Lena huddles up close to Kara and exhales happily. As they slowly drift to sleep, they go to sleep knowing that they have one another.

Kara eventually starts talking to a therapist through the DEO and they work through her fears of abandonment and loss. She opens up to Alex about her need to save everyone and she reluctantly agrees to let the DEO handle some of the easier tasks, but still allows herself to be on-call if needed.

The nightmares stop, which she finds out after testing it one night by sleeping on her own, and she also no longer sleepflies to Lena’s. They still sleep together most nights, because it’s become part of their routine, but it’s no longer a necessity. Kara accepts the fact that she can’t save everyone, but she’s figured out how to save herself with the help of Lena’s love.

It’s fine. She’s fine. Everything will be okay. 


End file.
